WHAT IS BREADCRUMBING AND HOW TO ADDRESS IT

In dating and relationships, breadcrumbing can be a type of manipulation: someone acts as if they are interested and invested in a romantic relationship with another individual when they are not – they are faking interest. Please note that this kind of manipulation isn’t always intentional in a dating context because some breadcrumbers simply have fear of commitment or maybe life is just too busy; however, if someone is not fully transparent by communicating openly on why they haven’t been in touch, then unfortunately, this is also within the ‘breadcrumbing’ definition because they are leaving another person wondering.

The truth about breadcrumbing:

Breadcrumbing can happen in the workplace or in other interpersonal relationships. For example, in the workplace, you may experience breadcrumbing if your boss’s high praise as well as vague promises of promotion don’t materialize. A friend might feign interest or connection without any real intention of building a true friendship – realistically, they only contact you when they need to use you for resources.

In a dating context, you might receive heartfelt or flirtatious text messages from someone, but these text messages dwindle and then continue intermittently. That person might mention some plans to go out for dates with you, but dates rarely happen in reality. And even when a date happens, you are probably doing the actual planning or they only plan things last minute. We’ve all had that “wyd” or “free tonight” text messages.

Breadcrumbing is the source of distress and confusion for the victim.

The victim is usually disrespected, deceived and manipulated emotionally, so they tend to feel confused, anxious, inadequate, hopeful and hopeless at the same time. What’s more, the intermittent communication or what I call ‘push pull’ creates obsession because the breadcrumber only gives the victim enough to keep the victim on the hook.

Sadly, some victims would settle for scraps of attention because they think they are unworthy of a high-quality relationship. These victims may even lower their expectations of romantic relationships; consequently, they search for long-term relationships with familiar patterns again and again, thereby preventing themselves from meeting the right person.

How to confront the breadcrumber:

First of all, you should give the breadcrumber the opportunity to change their behaviour if you believe the attraction is solid. For instance, you can say, “I think you are very attractive, but to be honest with you, your inconsistency with texting makes me feel confused. Our connection is not established properly because your actions are different from your words. In a way, that’s a turn-off.”

But if you have already expressed what truly bothers you and that person refuses to change, it’s time to walk away.

If you decide to walk away, be sure to find out the real reason why you were accepting breadcrumbing in a romantic context. I’m sure this will help you to build your self-esteem and understand your worth.